How to include your Mum...
- Jul 7, 2015
- 4 min read
Mum, Maji, Mamma, Morsa, Omm, Moer, Makuahine, Ibu...
Some of you out there might not have your Mum around on your wedding day for one reason or another. But for those that will, just a heads up. She will most likely want to be involved.
This is a struggle faced by most brides these days and one that has come up a few times in recent memory...
Some Mothers will want to control the day and be very hands-on. Others will be too afraid to ask how to help. Which ever kind of Mum or Mother in Law to be (or other strong female role model in your family) you have, here are some tips to assist with having her involved on your terms.
1) Firstly, remember, it's a big day for her too!
Remember that Mum - usually with others such as Dad or the In-Laws - will traditionally host the reception. She will be busy greeting and talking to your wedding guests and ensuring everyone is having a good time.
Not only this, but her baby is getting married! It will be a day filled with every emotion that you can think of. It's a big deal seeing your child all dressed up ready to marry the man of her dreams. (I will clarify that I don't know this from experience, but have been assured that this is the case. I will let you all know when I go through this series of events - around 20 years from now.)
Emotion could be a particularly big factor if there has been a loss in the family. It could be especially hard for a Mother to face such a big day, knowing that someone will be missing.
It is important to recognise that this is a big day for her too. Perhaps set aside some time in the morning, somewhere quiet - just the two of you - (maybe while your Bridesmaids are getting ready) have a cup of tea or a glass of celebratory bubbles together. Talk about how you are both feeling. Actually say out aloud that you know this day is a big deal for her. She will definitely appreciate it.
2) Claim your ruling from the beginning
From the very beginning of the wedding planning adventure, have a very clear idea of what you need / want your Mum to assist with. Some Mums will need a gentle reminding that this is your day...well yours and your husband to be's day.
Some ways that you can include your Mum in this process include:
Help come up with suggestions for an Engagement Party venue;
Inviting her to dress choosings / fittings (both yours and your bridesmaids);
Ask her to host your Bridal Shower;
Indulge in some quality bonding time in the form of a pre-wedding mani-pedi or facial;
If you are having a destination wedding, ask her to coordinate some pre or post-wedding events such as tours of the local region, dinners, breakfast/brunch;
Challenge her to think of some amazing bridal party gift ideas;
Ask her to coordinate flower delivery with your Florist - you will be busy getting ready, so she can be the contact for any deliveries so that you can concentrate on getting 'fabbed up';
It's a big ask, but if she is particularly good at something - e.g. is a confident dressmaker / seamstress, or enjoys baking and decorating cakes - ask her to do this. She could do the dress alterations, emborider your party's 'getting ready robes' or make your wedding cake. Would save you some $$$ and give her something to focus on.
Having said this, there might be circumstances where you do not want your Mum to be involved. Advice on how to handle this situation is difficult to give as only you know your Mum the way you do. A simple 'thanks for the offer Mum, but this is something that I would really like to try/tackle/source on my own' could do the trick. 'Thanks for offering Mum, but I would really like you to just enjoy the day / lead up to the day, and I am sure I will need your support on the day' could be another one to try.
Another point to consider here is that in some countries, it is normal for a Mum to completely take over the planning of the entire wedding. If this is the case in your family, don't be afraid to speak up if there is something you don't like or don't agree with. You may have relinquished control, but it's still your day. There is nothing wrong with changing this tradition too!
3) Be forever thankful...
If she has helped you out with things, be sure to thank her appropriately. A small token of your appreciation is a great place to start. Suggestions could include a beautiful hand-written card, a personalised momento such as an embroidered hankerchief or engraved compact mirror or a lovely frame that she could use to display her favourite wedding day picture.
A public thanks could also be warranted. Perhaps in the form of a speech - either you or your new husband could thank her for her tireless hours in ensuring your special day went without a hitch. (Between you and me - some Mums will thrive on this!)
An engagement is the worst time to make an enemy of your Mum. If she wants to help you, let her. There is always something that needs doing - and a Mum is the perfect person to ask - you know she would do anything for you.
Bloggers Note - Mum if you're reading this - thank you. I don't recall whether I thanked you for everything you helped with leading up to and on my wedding day, but thank you for being there for me and I am so grateful that you were a part of it.
And people are still commenting on that stunning red dress you wore!
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